Am I Ready?

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Today I decided to find a quote from one of my many Pinterest boards of quotes and use that quote to spur a blog post. When I came across this quote as I was browsing my own boards, I jumped out at me because it relates to some things I’ve been thinking about lately.

Do I agree with this quote? Yes, absolutely. I wouldn’t have saved it if I didn’t. This quote is a reminder to me – someone who tries to be a perpetual planner and simultaneously a worry wart – that I can’t plan everything and wait until I’m ready to do big things. Now granted, there is importance in being responsible and thinking about things before doing them. I’m not wishing I was an impulsive decision-maker. I don’t think that’s what this quote is about. I think this quote means, to people like me, that sometimes you have to throw aside the worry and the what-ifs and just choose to have faith that you’ll succeed at something you choose to do.

In my life recently, I’ve been thinking about future decisions I could make. Here’s one: a decision to have another child. I never realized that once your first child turned three years old that you, as the parent, crossed a line that offered you up to being asked numerous times by family, friends, and strangers WHEN you’re having another one. Not IF, WHEN? It’s odd because before I had a child, I always thought I’d want more than one. Then I had the first one, who is incredible – don’t get me wrong – but all of the hardship of having a baby made me scared to have another one. See, I’m not blissfully ignorant now. I know what it’ll be like. And I just don’t feel like I’m ready yet. There are finances to think about…Ella as an older sibling…totally changing the way we live our lives AGAIN… I think about all of these things, and yes, I pray about them, too, but my thoughts always come back to “I’m not ready!” Then I read this quote and wonder just how much of a control freak I’m being. How much am I letting fear hold me back from growing my family, growing my blessings? It’s almost like I have to have a blind abandon – just say “Okay, I’ll do this,” and then leave the circumstances up to faith and God. I’m not saying I’ve made a decision to have another child just yet, but instead of jumping to a “Heck no!” answer when asked if I want another one, I can likely stay calm and give a “Probably” answer. When? I don’t know but I’m trying to remember it’s okay to not be totally ready.

Another big decision I think about a lot is going back to the classroom and being a high school English teacher again. I’ve been away from teaching English for almost eight years and while I’d have a foundation for returning to teaching, it’d likely be like starting over again because technology and techniques have changed so much in eight years from when I started teaching straight out of college. While I feel the desire to fulfill a higher purpose by returning to teaching – doing more to affect teenage students than what I’m doing now – I still have the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I won’t be ready. I won’t be prepared for the extra hours to plan, execute, grade, evaluate, etc… I’ll likely mess it up and won’t be a good teacher. And it’s when I have these thoughts that I’m convinced I’m not ready to take that leap again. Like with having another child, I’m not blissfully ignorant. I know what to expect and how hard it is to be a teacher, especially in a high school setting. When I went into teaching straight out of college, I was still wet behind the ears and thought I knew what to expect, but I really didn’t. Now I’ve been away from it for so long yet have the notion that I want to go back to it. I keep saying I’m not ready, but when I read the quote from above, I’m reminded that lots of people go into new and different jobs and careers without being 100% ready. So it’s possible that I can return to teaching without feeling totally mentally and emotionally ready, but I’ll do it and succeed at it because I think it’s in my heart to teach and influence young adult students. I’ll experience a lot of on-the-job training and I’ll continue to grow and adapt. I don’t have to be totally ready for everything that will come my way – I just have to be willing to give it my best and maintain the flexibility that is required when you’re human and just need to cut yourself some slack sometimes. 🙂

So those are just two major life decisions I have on my mind lately. I have no clue what will happen down the road but I do continue to pray for guidance and wisdom in how to make certain decisions. However, I think I also need to remember the quote above when I’m stuck in a pattern of overthinking and trying to control too much. I need to remember that it’s okay to leave some things to faith and realize that you may never be ready to make a particular jump in life, but once you make the decision, you find your blessings and figure out that inevitably, you’re going to be okay no matter what.

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