A Dramatic Return!

Well look who returns, tail tucked between her legs after so many months of neglect and absence… Redemption can still be had, right? A blog can be revived after sitting dormant for months, yes? It’s hard to offer an explanation as to why I don’t exercise my mind with my writing, especially since I so enjoy writing. There were numerous times in my absence that things happened or thoughts were pondered and I considered, “I should really write about that.” But alas, I continued to live and not take the time to express my inner workings. I can only hope to propel myself into a resurgence of thought and expression, something to jog myself from the fog of everyday living in which I often find myself lost.

Part of my hesitation with jumping into a blog post is that I often don’t know what to write about. I suffer a slight writer’s block OR if I can start on an idea, I lose focus and eventually abandon the efforts. Is it completely lame and shameful to say that I lack the energy and motivation to be 100% creative and original? How sad… BUT, as I build myself up to total originality and personal expression, I’m biting the bullet and using a few lists I found online that suggest possible writing topics for a blog. For a while, I’d like to choose a topic from the lists and focus my writing on that topic. I’ve taken this topic from a great site that gives writing prompts for every month of the year. Here’s the link to the site if you wish to jog your own creativity and writing flow:

http://www.thesitsgirls.com/blogging/january-writing-prompts/

And here’s the prompt: “What are your 2015 goals? Blogging, relationships, financial, fitness or any other goals you have.”

First, let me say that I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. I feel like NYR’s are short-lived promises to do something that’ll inevitably end in quitting and/or failure. I don’t like making NYR’s because I can’t think of a time I’ve ever stuck to one. I’m awful like that – I get grandiose ideas for myself and then I quit them. Remember that time I quit blogging and then came back after many months? 😉 So with that disclaimer out there, I can continue with this post and say that I have many goals. They’re always evolving and changing as life throws its events and situations at me, but I’m always mindful of what I want in life because I’m always seeking to be better and live better. There’s always room for improvement, right?

true that.

I believe I’ve already outlined my blogging goals. I want to blog more and be diverse in what I talk about. I wish I could talk more about what I do for a living or be more opinionated in my blogging, but because I work in a public service position, I’m limited in my speech. Freedom of speech doesn’t necessarily apply to those who work in public positions that are judged and monitored heavily. So my blog topics will be mainly neutral or absent of certain topics but also personal in that they relate only to me, my life, and my experiences. Safe territory…

When it comes to relationships, I find myself yearning for betterment as I get older. I’ve become more and more relational as I’ve aged. I think that as a teenager and early adult, I didn’t need as much with relationships and friendships. I’ve had Andrew as my main relationship since I was 16 – maybe I used that as a crutch for not making better friendships in college. In the present, I still have Andrew as my deepest relationship – my husband and my best friend. I have a developing relationship with Ella Grace, and I’m constantly trying to meet her mental and emotional needs as her mother. I want her to grow up knowing to herself that her mother was always understanding – always there for her and loving her. In 2015, as Ella Grace turns 4 years old and continues to bloom into an incredible little girl, my goal is to have more patience and grace with her. I don’t want her to be afraid to ask me a question because she thinks I might snap at her. I want her to know she can ask me for help, to play with her, to cuddle her, and I want her to continue to grow knowing that I will always love her greater than even I know how to comprehend.

In my familial relationships, my goal is to have better communication and possibly more honesty in talking to family members. Sometimes I feel like I’m in situations with family members in which I want to say so much, and not even anything negative, but I bite my tongue because I feel like I need to be completely polite with family, almost as I would with a stranger. It’s pretty weird, actually, because I know other families that communicate very honestly and share anything and everything to get it off their chests. They seem to be very happy families who aren’t always worried about what family members are thinking or feeling because it’s always shared and expressed. I’d like to make that a goal with my family in 2015 – I’d like to talk more honestly and effectively in an effort to get to really know some of my family members.

So true!

With friends, I have so many goals because this is probably an area in my life that I feel is most lacking. I have a desire to have really close relationships with friends – the types of friendships that I read about in books or see in chick-flicks. I want a friendship or two in which I could ask for help and the friend would drop anything to come to my aid. A friend I can call in the middle of the night to talk about something nagging me. A friendship that’s reliable and constant – something that is known will come above husbands and children when it’s time to take a break and spend time with that friend. I dislike a friend who will take and take and never give back, or a friend who makes no effort to make me a priority as a friend. My goal in 2015 is to work on the friendships I have and make them better. I know I can be a better friend and make more of an effort to see people I don’t see often enough. I don’t want an array of “surface-level” friends, but I yearn to have a few “deep” friends who will accept me for who I am. In 2015, I want better friends and I want to BE a better friend.

christopher poindexter. My Cajun granddaddy used to tell us to "simmer down". Love that phrase. This is a wise poem.

Financial goals: feel more confident with our finances. Feeling more confident can be achieved by earning more money. 🙂 I currently work in a job that doesn’t reflect my college education (degree and other certifications). If truth be known, I make LESS than a teacher in the state of North Carolina. When I left teaching 8 years ago, it was to pursue other job choices and during the majority of those years, I worked in a job that became a calling. I was blessed every day to do what I did and the lesser amount of money I earned had no influence on the joy I felt with what I was doing. Circumstances out of my control moved me from that job into the job I’m in now, and while my job is mainly satisfactory, it’s not a calling. I feel myself being called back to a classroom to teach English. My dreams of what the experience would be like again are probably convoluted but that doesn’t stop me from wanting them again. I crazily feel like I have something to offer young people and I want to make the leap back into full-time teaching. As part of becoming a “real” teacher again, my income would be more and financial worries could potentially be less. That’s financial goal #1: get new job and make more money. The other financial goal is to continue to manage our finances well. Andrew is a whiz with finances and has kept us floating high in the water the whole time we’ve been married, despite highs and lows with bills and other expenditures. We have certain financial rules that we follow all the time, so they will continue in 2015: pay off the credit card bill every month so as not to accrue interest, make no large or impulsive purchases, and reliably continue to pay off the debts we still have. We’re fortunate that we own cars that are paid off, no college debt (it was paid off in 5 years), and we accummulate no credit debt at the end of a month. We save when we can and don’t live in excess. When we foresee a large purchase in the future, we plan and save for it over months and even years. We’ve always tried to be responsible with the earnings we acquire and we’ll continue to do so in 2015.

#truth

And lastly, I’m supposed to talk about a fitness goal. However, I don’t really have a fitness goal. Being “fit” and superbly athletic has never been in my scope of reality. I do believe I should be a healthier version of myself – someone who takes more care to exercise her body and mind and to be happier with her inner and outer self. So I suppose my goals for 2015 are more health related and not necessarily fitness related. Better eating and healthier habits – having a more positive body image and expressing confidence towards Ella Grace as she grows and develops a body image of her own. My main goal is to feel more comfortable in my body and to be able to appreciate it for what it has done for me (and for Ella Grace when I carried her for 40 weeks).

"Girls don't just simply decide to hate their bodies, we teach them to." ... An affirmation from "Being Curvy, Vulnerability & Success" -- a post about healthy body image and self-esteem for women.

So there – I’ve finished my return to blogging (for this post, I mean). I hope to make blogging a more regular occurrence. Until next time, thank you for humoring my whimsy in writing.

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